If you are asked what do you love the most? What would you say?
I will be leaving some paragraphs below so that you can make your answer and I will tell you where most people get it wrong.
NOTE: ANSWER THE QUESTION BEFORE SCROLLING DOWN.
I know you might start mentioning some mundane stuff, someone or some gadget, activities, and more.
I’m sorry to disappoint you, the perfect answer that might not readily come to mind is “MYSELF”.
“Love can not be received or extended if the receiver doesn’t embody it himself/herself.”
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Self-love is so important to a man to realize the optimum level of love from someone else.
The question then is what is self-love?
I know the quick and complete definition that readily comes to mind is “ when someone loves himself”.
Self-love according to Vex King who explains it well is “ the balance between accepting yourself as you are while knowing you deserve better, and then working towards it.”
This clearly explains that self-love doesn’t stop at loving oneself but also being courageous enough to detect situations that don’t fit one, and working towards moving forward to becoming the best version of oneself.
I know most lifestyle blogs or relationship blogs might bore you with punchlines and quotes on how to look more attractive as a man to a woman but, it all starts or put better the best way is to “love oneself first”.
Have you come across this paradox before?
“It’s always those who can get along best without women who also get along best with them.”
This is true because the first law of being attractive to a woman is not being too needy.
Being too needy in a relationship generally implies relying excessively on your partner for emotional support or constant reassurance, which may create a sense of dependency and strain on the relationship.
Balancing individual needs and maintaining a degree of independence is crucial for a healthy relationship.
Being too needy means as a man you so much place high priority on a lady’s perception of you, you are scared of having different opinions on a matter and readily agree with everything she says, changing your normal behaviour to look cool to her. Let’s just say you are simply acting.
When you are not needy, you are comfortable telling her stuff about you with no attempt to impress her, you are just telling her who you are (the funny, not too good, your winnings, bad times, mistakes etc).
It is simply being vulnerable and letting the person know who you are without any filter.
As a guy, you should not be willing to sacrifice your thoughts, feelings, and motivations for someone else more than they sacrifice theirs for you. Your relationship should be based on reciprocity.
Going out of your ways at all time to please a woman need makes you look unattractive, because it clearly shows you are too invested in the relationship than the person.
It is a relationship, so you should clearly know that it is not just about you.
Knowing fully well that not everyone will love you, the same way it is not everyone you love, will give you a liberating feeling when getting to meet a lady.
I know you might ask how does it give a liberating feeling? But this is it.
If you know this and accept this, you clearly present yourself the way you are without no plan of impressing her.
Most time we impress people, we do this because we fear rejection or disapproval. I know rejection might been preached as something you should avoid at all times and you should always win.
I will tell you the plain truth, it is inevitable, and when something is inevitable there is no need hiding from it, in fact it should be used as an armour.
“It’s important to recognize that if a lady doesn’t reciprocate your feelings in the same way, it sometimes stems from differences in values, perspectives, and opinions.
When facing rejection or a relationship not working out, it’s important not to dwell solely on what you may have done differently. Instead, consider the possibility that the person might not be the right match for you.”
Have you ever wondered how the “cool guys” in college have the highest number of girls around them? It is because they don’t care too much on the response they would get from the lady, they plainly tell them what they feel and that’s just it.
Most of the reason why boys spend lot of years not knowing how to have a conversation with a lady is because they are so much concerned on the perception the lady will have about them, what her reply will be, etc…
It’s important to note that non-neediness doesn’t mean you should only care about yourself. This is narcissism and it will result in dysfunctional relationships.
When you are attracted to a woman, you should be affected by her and also be invested in her. The key to non-neediness is to have respect for both oneself and for women also.
2. Read Good Books on Relationship: In my first year in the university I was told by my psychology Professor that educating oneself about a topic is not discover the single truth or solution to it because there is none, especially things that concerns human emotions, feelings, or actions but to discover differing perspectives and opinions on it.
She said through educating oneself on an issue, topic, scenario, or events etc you are enriching the brain with differing information which will make you to apply this knowledge depending on your circumstance.
Getting good books ( emphasis on GOOD ) on relationship is a good way to become more attractive because you are going to learn a lot about yourself and the opposite gender.
No single book will give you the exact guideline but they will reveal some important details that you are overlooking that you can utilize to have a more fulfilling relationship.
I can recommend you reading Mark Manson “ Attracting Women Through Modesty” to start with.
3. Invest in yourself: I know this might sound selfish which is not but “you” should be your out-most priority over anything. Become better, look nice, get a good skill/job , look fit, smell nice etc.
All this little details are really helpful when you want to be attractive to ladies.
Ladies at all times are always seeking for security and when they can’t find it in a man, they can’t be attracted to the man.
It is good to get your life together to some certain degree before venturing out into a relationship.
You know there is a subtle saying that “the better the man ( emotionally, financially, physically, socially ) the higher chance of him seeing a better woman”.
This might not be entirely true but come to think of it, have you noticed that people environment changes alongside the level of improvement in their life.
For instance, there is a high chance you meet more financially stable ladies who are not after your money in a relationship, the more you get better with your finance.
You are able to filter ladies that perfectly fit your, the more you get better with your mindset, emotions, and your life in general.
It also help you to feel less insecure because you know the person you are dating is not doing you a favour by being with you.
Establishing lasting attractiveness with women hinges on your personal allure and this can be achieved by investing in your personal growth which in turn reduce neediness.
4. Diversify your friends: As much as guys crave more attention from ladies, you should also keep good relationships with your male friends, parents, and relatives.
Some of the reason why some guys get too needy is because they are all alone without having no one to talk to or confide in.
